There’s a phrase that gets used a lot in physical therapy:
“the symptom is the victim, not the criminal.”
This has incredible implications (truth) in our psychological functioning as well. This post emphasizes and encourages a certain attitude you can take in order to boost your growth and create widespread change. At the end of this post, I’m going to contrast a “systemic approach to yourself” versus “systemic therapy,” even though they’re definitely made of the same stuff.
So let’s examine “taking a systemic approach to yourself.”
It’s the idea there isn’t a singular thing going wrong. The more you hunt for a singular thing – the one root cause to your unhappiness – the one thing that needs to be found and fixed – the more time you’ll spend spinning your wheels and the less time you’ll spend enjoying living and reaping the benefits of your efforts. If you want to create change, the best approach is to try to turn over every rock. It will be rare to find a golden ticket under one of the rocks, but the landscape will look entirely different once you turn over enough of them.
This post is the encouragement to examine more aspects of your life… to get wider in your efforts.
How many minutes of your day are spent going through the motions? How much doesn’t get a second glance? How many of your settings are set to default?
Here’s a range of examples:
How many steps a day do you take without feeling your feet on the ground? How many interpersonal interactions are completely routine (and lacking in satisfaction)? How many shallow breaths do you take a day?* More importantly, how many huge ones do you take on purpose? How much of your diet is habitual and hasn’t been adjusted in a while? How many calories are in liquid form? When was the last time you changed your exercise routine? How long have you used the same mouthwash? If you wear heels, do different pairs have different lengths? When was the last time you made a really weird face? How do you normally sit? Which leg is the crossed-over one? When was the last time you crossed over your other leg? How much hazelnut creamer do you put in your coffee? How long have you done that? When was the last time you tried out some different pillows? When was the last time you imitated your mom? How different is your Monday morning from your Friday night? Are you getting something auto-debited that you really don’t need / use? Do you really like the tv shows you watch? What do you do during commercials?
Sure, your mouthwash isn’t causing your knee pain and your heels aren’t causing your depression, but how fast do you want change to happen?
Sometimes things stick around in our lives for far too long. The only thing that keeps them there is we’re not consciously choosing them anymore. They’ve become default. “Taking a systemic approach” to your self-improvement is taking the extra time to see what default motions could be adjusted. I deliberately put really big things and really small things on that list of questions. Your pillows probably aren’t killing you. But if you want to make some really significant change, the idea is to shake things up and get wider as opposed to having a magnifying glass on a ‘symptom’ and hoping a singular root cause will present itself. There are infinite causes. Things have been in motion for a very long time. But we can only fully do one thing at a time. Taking a systemic approach to yourself takes thing-by-thing and examines it. It stops looking for the magical thing. It starts looking at moment-by-moment movements to see what can be examined – conscious choice by conscious choice. This is hard. It’s easier to wish for a magical thing.
The up-side: this hard work is a safeguard against helplessness. When we go directly at a symptom, we are agreeing to a losing battle. Everything else in the overall configuration supports that symptom and there’s truly no way to move it without reconfiguring the connections. We are webs. We are a “system of contacts” (PHG). If we go at a symptom and try to simply remove it from the field, we will eventually feel helpless – because we will lose.
In sum, taking a systemic approach to your development is the effort to get wider. It’s the understanding that everything is interconnected. It’s a commitment to the details, to the smaller things, to the whole of your growth. We really can’t make this wide commitment to rethink our defaults unless we have the belief (hope) that it will pay off – that it will only be short term suffering and hard work – that we will yield fruit after the labor. That’s the purpose of this post: the encouragement towards that belief – the hope – that hard work pays off. We pay for it now or we pay for it later.
* There’s a pointed phrase in yoga: “most people breathe just enough to stay alive.”
As promised, some contrast. More often than not in this blog, I’ll be referencing a “systemic approach to therapy” rather than a “systemic approach to yourself.” They’re made of the same stuff but there is a contrast that’s warranted. This post emphasizes an attitude you can take on a moment by moment basis in order to boost your own growth. I am encouraging you to shake up and second-guess as much as you can handle, even if it doesn’t seem immediately connected to a symptom or a goal. If a therapist took this hyper-diligent approach with clients, it would be exhausting for everyone. I literally just laughed out loud. “Hey, did you notice how we just shook hands? Maybe we could do that better. How did I just shut that door? Was that the best way? How did you engage your hamstrings when you sat down on the couch? Want to try that again? How’s your water? Do you think we should try turning the fridge temperature up or down a few degrees?” Lol. So when I speak of ‘systemic therapy,’ I’m really talking about the beliefs about symptoms. It’s the interconnectedness and the embedded-ness of supports/symptoms. It’s the understanding that a direct attempt at removing a symptom is playing whack-a-mole. Another mole pops up.
Despite the contrast, the common ground is this: it’s best when clients take a systemic approach to their own self-improvement (with this wide hyper-diligence) in between meetings and then use their therapists to co-create some different frequencies and find where even newer rocks can be turned over, rocks that wouldn’t have shown up on the radar if someone else didn’t call attention to them.